i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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