I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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