My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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