Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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