Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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