I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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