"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
