When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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