I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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