yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
