the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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