The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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