I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
