I can tuck mytits in my pants
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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