I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
