hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
