I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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