you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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