i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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