anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
