I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
North Korea, Best Korea!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
