Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
