girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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