therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
