big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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