its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
