Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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