:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
