you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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