It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
