I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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