Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?

(1-212): View more from New York

idk but i think it had a face

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(212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night? (1-212): idk but i think it had a face http://tfl.nu/y33v

Replies (15) Good night (825) Bad night (1484)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.

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(306): I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help. http://tfl.nu/3amb

Replies (29) Good night (638) Bad night (3784)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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(208): Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge. http://tfl.nu/9q10

Replies (24) Good night (4019) Bad night (540)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.

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(609): So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that. http://tfl.nu/rpbd

Replies (33) Good night (5629) Bad night (1117)
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(205): View more from Alabama

I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

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(205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc

Replies (18) Good night (1144) Bad night (3971)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..

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(203): Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied.. http://tfl.nu/zapu

Replies (6) Good night (3794) Bad night (745)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.

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(952): I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me. http://tfl.nu/xnge

Replies (55) Good night (10624) Bad night (1264)
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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(240): I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop. http://tfl.nu/iw16

Replies (20) Good night (3685) Bad night (1444)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

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(717): DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!! (717): Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly. http://tfl.nu/0dyl

Replies (22) Good night (1473) Bad night (3272)
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(770): View more from Georgia

You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.

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(770): You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month. http://tfl.nu/j1wm

Replies (3) Good night (1445) Bad night (640)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!

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(910): It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed! http://tfl.nu/bbxy

Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (782)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.

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(217): Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again. http://tfl.nu/k53k

Replies (9) Good night (1403) Bad night (502)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.

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(732): Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit. http://tfl.nu/pssm

Replies (2) Good night (826) Bad night (322)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.

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(416): I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment. http://tfl.nu/fg5i

Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (263)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.

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(+61): I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip. http://tfl.nu/819n

Replies (4) Good night (215) Bad night (380)

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