Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going