oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
jump out the window naked night went bad
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
