What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother