I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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