Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."