I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.