I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
