I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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