I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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