Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pants are for mortals
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
