sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
