oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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