There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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