I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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