You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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