Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
