That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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