You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
