I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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