he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize