the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
