wrigley field is MILF paradise
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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