I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
