I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
