I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You need a sexual gate keeper
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
