My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
