why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
