i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
