So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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