So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
