Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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