I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
