If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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