Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
