just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
