All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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