Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
