you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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