Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
